Wednesday, April 30, 2008

questions on an elevator

I am sitting here, at my desk, in my office, awaiting the download of a recording of a hearing I will be forced to listen to in approximately 3 days, because this download is taking that long. What in the hell is wrong with computers these days? I know Tessie mentioned that Google was acting squirrelly today, but in my experience, everyday is a slow computer day. Maybe it’s the fact that I work in the public sector (not much money to spend on computers), or maybe it’s the fact that my personal computer is 4 years old, which in computer-years is approximately prehistoric. Anyway, computers waste inordinate amounts of time even before I actually do anything with them. This is why I’ve been avoiding computers unless necessary; say for the general keeping of my job.

Regardless, I am here to say hello and discuss a topic that has very little to do with anything going on in my life right now, except for that fact that I just had a discussion about baby names with a very friendly stranger while riding in the elevator. She was pregnant, and asked me what I (a complete stranger) thought of the name “Victor.” Also, as soon as she asked me this question, I tried to channel my inner Swistle, but I'm just not as good at this as Swistle.

I said that it was a very strong name, and not a very common name, which were two good points. But I also said that there weren’t very many options for nick-names and would she want her child to be called “Vic?” Then I back peddled, because she is a stranger, and I don’t like offending ANYONE. I told her it was a great name, and I loved it and ignore everything I said about the nick-name.

Then I started thinking about the names I have on “reserve” for any offspring that come about in the future. You see, I have always wanted to name a son “Charlie.” I just love that name and think it’s great because it’s old, but new again, and it can be dressed up or dressed down and really, it’s just a solid, sturdy, never-get-sick-of-it name. Then I met the man who would someday father my children, and as it would turn out, he had a horse named Charlie. God damn it. Why? We cannot name a child after a horse, or any former pet, no matter how beloved. Scratch Charlie off the list.

As for girls, well, I love the name “Lydia.” It’s perfect, especially with the middle name I have already chosen, “Rose.” I told Brett that our future daughter will be named “Lydia Rose” and he seemed to be okay with that, although at this point, with children so far out in the future, I could have told him our daughter would be named “Tattoo Begonia” and he would have nodded with acceptance. I’m holding him to it, though, it was a verbal agreement and those are binding in the jurisdiction of our apartment.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

time warp

Hi everybody. I don’t know if I still have readers because, well, I have been neglecting everything related to blogging these past couple of weeks, and the reason is that my entire life is currently devoted to putting together wedding invitations. We are so close to finishing our wedding invitations, and yet still so far away, because, well, they are harder than they were supposed to be. Shocking, I know. I think I maybe told some folks, (maybe this lady) that they were pretty easy and even FUN, but hell no; they are neither easy nor fun. They are more like a shit ton of work, and some one needs to establish a labor union for ill-informed brides who think they can do it themselves.

I must, however, give a huge shout out to my future husband, who has gone above and beyond the call of duty in the invitation realm. I literally could not have done it without him. He is magical and wonderful and SMOOCH!

Also, we bought a house and I waffle between excitement and buyer’s remorse, and I’m pretty sure that’s normal. We don’t close until May 30th and we’ve pretty much decided just to let our apartment fall into complete disgrace until that date, because we just can’t be bothered to pretend we even remotely enjoy living there any more. We are counting the days until we say “ba-bye” to that hole of an over-priced dump. Good riddance.

I think, honestly, that the invitations, emergency wedding planning (Brett and I are huge slackers in this department), working, dealing with the “details” of home buying, watching entire seasons of Friday Night Lights, and sitting in traffic have occupied all of my time for the past 2 weeks. It’s no fun and I sort of cannot wait until September arrives, because at that point we will have moved into our house, gotten married, gone on our “honeymoon” and returned to reality. This time right now, it sort of feels surreal.

Now, to turn it back to you all, because I’m nothing if not concerned that I have not read the 3,000 posts in my feeder, tell me what you typically do on a Friday night? Do you paint the town red? Sit at home and wonder how it is that you used to have enough energy to paint the town red on a Friday night? Enjoy family time? Have a standing movie date? Fall asleep?

We sometimes go out, sometimes stay in, sometimes take a dance class, sometimes run errands . . . We have no “usual” I guess.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008


Hitting the “shuffle” button on one’s iPod is dangerous. By example, I show you what happened at 12:44pm, Wednesday afternoon:

Iggy Pop – Nightclubbing. (Work is the exact opposite of the correct time to listen to this song.)

How High the Moon – Ella Fitzgerald live in Berlin. (Excellent, except now I want a martini. Work place frowns upon midday Martini having.)

Someone to Love – Fountains of Wayne. (This is actually a pretty great pop song and especially great if you’re a late 20’s or early 30’s person who feels something akin to teenage angst.)

Hansel and Gretl, Dream Pantomine – Arthur Fiedler. (WTF? Seriously, where did I procure this and why?)

Universe & U – KT Tunstall. (Who’s a good little iPod? Who? You, that’s right!)

Stop, Look, Listen (To Your Heart) – Marvin Gay and Diana Ross. (I get weirder by the moment, don’t I?)

Gear Jammer – George Thorogood. (Well, this is just embarrassing)

Distractions – Zero 7. (I would be cool if it was 2002 and my name was Zac Braff.)

Fuzzy – Grant Lee Buffalo. (I’ve never heard of him either.)

Pose – Justin Timberlake. (Don’t be a hater, JT is sexy and you know it!)

Love Me Like a Song – Kimmie Rhodes and Willie Nelson. (This is a great love song)

Come on Closer - Jem. (Suddenly I remember why I cried when The O.C. went off the air.)

Conquest – The White Stripes. (This song makes me want to do a couple of things: Work-out; dance the tango; and bull fight -- clearly, a remarkable song.)

Out of Exile – Audioslave. (Chris Cornell, how I love thee!)

Slim Shady – Eminem. (Oh shit, ALERT! Turn volume down. NSF! I might as well look up porn while I’m at it.)

That song from the Office Space soundtrack when they beat up the fax machine. (Awesome!)

It's hard to be me: version 3,000,048 ***UPDATED***

The seller's countered again, which is kind of a relief really, becuase now Brett and I can go back out there and take another look and see if there is a sign or some sort of gut feeling that this house is either the one or not the one. It's really so difficult to say, because I really like the house and the neighborhood, but it's the garage. The garage sucks and I'm not sure there's a way to help it. Stay tunned, we'll know tomorrow.

I’m all nervous today because I’m waiting to here if an offer was accepted on a house that we maybe want to buy, but maybe don’t want to buy. This is so ridiculous. We looked at a house on Monday and we liked it, we really liked it, but of course, it was not perfect. We know that we will never find the “perfect” house, because there is no perfect house in our price-range, so basically we’re looking for a house with the least amount of compromise. The house we looked at on Monday had some really great things about it. It had a big yard that was fenced, it was in a good neighborhood, and it had potential. Unfortunately, it also had a smaller garage, and the garage is very important. But, it did have a big basement and that sort of makes up for a smaller garage, sort of. So, we made an offer.

They countered, but not really, because they stayed at their asking price, but conceded closing costs. Gee, thanks!

We countered, and then they countered again, and then we countered and now here we sit. Waiting. We’re hoping that they don’t take the offer, because I think we’d like another go at this negotiation crap. And when I say we’d like another go, I mean Brett would like another go, because next time, I’m deferring to him. I know that sounds lame, but I just don’t like it and I get too nervous and anxious and I really would just prefer to take second chair on this.

I know, I’m a lawyer, but I’m a more behind the scenes, in the books kind of lawyer, not a negotiator. I’m the one who researches and puts together the papers, not the one who goes to the mattresses. Fuck, I’m way too prone to FREAKING OUT to be any good under pressure.

Also, I’m kind of a rash decision maker. When I was little, I was so shy and lacked confidence to a very unhealthy degree, that I never voiced my opinion or felt comfortable making a decision. I have grown up, and unfortunately, I now overcompensate for my earlier life by making decision too quickly and without enough thought. It’s like I see a decision that needs to be made, and I’m still sort of afraid of it, so I just jump in full bore and get it over with. This is a good tactic for certain fears, but not decision making. I need to step-away from the decisions for a bit and learn how to tackle them with intelligence, not just brut force.

So anyway (tangent city!), here we sit, in this weird place where we maybe have a contract on a house that we like, but will actually be happy if they don’t accept the offer and we can walk away. Perverse? Yes. Typical of me? Certainly.

P.S. My future husband should be sainted for his patience and understanding of my inner workings.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Nine Recommendations

1. Fiber One Cereal Bars. Does your colon need to be blasted? Here’s the trick: Eat a Fiber One cereal bar. Actually, maybe I should instruct you to eat the Fiber One bar directly on the toilet, for it is VERY effective. For some of us, this is a good thing.

2. Betty Crocker “bowls.” They actually taste good and are large enough in serving size to be satisfying, as opposed to your run of the mill frozen box lunch (I’m looking at you Lean Cuisine)

3. Revisit your college CD collection. Party like it’s 1999!

4. Friday Night Lights. The T.V. Show, now on DVD. Addictive.

5. Crawl out of the social isolation hole you’ve been living in and call EVERYONE in your phone book, one by one, night after night, until you’ve reconnected with pals, friends, family and super heroes. (I’m only on night two of this adventure, but so far, so good)

6. Jello Jigglers/Knox Blocks. So good, so cheap, so low calorie.

7. Avon Ideal Shade Smooth Mineral Make-up. Do you like that mineral make-up shit, but dislike shelling out $25 for a tiny jar? Try Avon’s version. It’s just as good at ¼ of the price.

8. Become an expert on something completely random. For example, the mating practices of Canadian Geese.

9. My Morning Jacket, the band, not the apparel.

I'm Back! Now with even more lameness!

You know what happens when you don’t come to work for almost an entire week? You get 3,000 unread blog posts in your reader and you ignore your own blog completely. It’s kind of awesome to take a wee break, because now it’s like I’m totally rich in slacking off fodder and don’t have to worry that no one will have posted by the time I need a brain break because, like I said, I have 30,000 posts to catch up on. Yippee!

Brett’s parents were in town, and it was kind of awesome. I love them, they love me, we’re a happy family.


The biggest development since I’ve been gone is that I’ve started watching this little show called American Idol. Oh yes, it’s true. Let me assure you, I was hooked by the very fist off pitch note I heard. Here are my thoughts:

The little guy, David Archulettuce or whatever, has an unreal voice, but he’s a little too up-with-people for me. However, I think he will win.

I totally think that the guy from Georgia who mysteriously has a British accent (I’m sure this was explained earlier on, but like I said, I just tuned in) is hot and should win even if he isn’t the most talented. He reminds me of that guy from the long lost sitcom “Wings.” (Yes, my dorkiness has no limits).

That one girl, the Faith Hill wannabe, is crafty, what with the patriotic song bullshit, but she’s BORING and annoying and we would not be friends.

I like the girl from Ireland, but I fear she is to go tonight.

The rest are not memorable enough for me to comment upon.

I adore Dolly Parton.

What are your predictions for tonight?

Did I really just write an entire post on AI? Did I really just call it “AI?”