Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I’m having one of those twitchy days when I’m all worked up about something and everything but all of these things are nothings in reality. I’m just sort of freaked out and over caffeinated about all sorts of stupid shit and it’s really fucking annoying. I’m such a peculiar sort of crazy that it really requires an advanced primer to be sent to all of you just so you have a basic understanding of the underlying elements of my psychosis. It’s just too hard to try to cover in a more succinct format.

One thing stands out is that I cannot for the life of my watch an episode of Oprah without breaking down in tears. Last night we got home from our first dog obedience class (dear God, why is every dog trainer I’ve ever met a lunatic?) and I thought I’d iron some clothes while watching television. So I switched on my DVR’d episode of Oprah, the one about obese teens, and cue the blubbering. It broke my heart and it made me want to have my own session of “I’m angry because . . .” as I too am angry about so many things and would like to voice those things instead of eating brownies and anxiously fretting over rudimentary crap (see above). Oh help me, I love Oprah and I also love my husband because I’m pretty sure he’d listen if I did want to engage in one of those sessions. If only we could schedule it in.

Yes, that’s the worst part of my generalized anxiety. There just isn’t enough time to do all the things that need to get done. Everyone is in this boat, I know, I just feel like I am ill-equipped to deal with all the chaos and stress surrounding our house right now. I fully believe that the state of your house reflects the state of your brain and if you saw our house right now you’d appreciate the gravity of my concerns. Shit is a mess. This is primarily due to the ongoing bathroom remodel, which has been seriously waylaid by Brett’s back injury, but also because we have a tiny house and a lot of crap and it’s winter and thus we are SHUT IN the tiny house of disorganization. It’s making us crazy.

I cannot wait for spring. I’ve never felt so desperate for warm weather in my life.

Friday, January 16, 2009

of sneezes and hormones

I feel like shit today because I do believe I caught a cold from Brett. So now both of us feel like shit and unfortunately the dogs are incapable of doing things like grocery shopping and snow shoveling. According to my favorite weather man, Tom Skilling, we will be inundated with another few inches of snow tomorrow. Mother fucker.

I did go to the GYN yesterday and he was encouraged that I have about a 75% chance of being pregnant in the next few months. This is good. He also thought that if my cycle doesn't return (it went away because of the Lupron) by April 15th, he'll start me on Clomid. Anybody ever taken this drug? I'm curious if there are any fun side-effect to this one, becuase I so enjoyed the side-effects from Lupron (sarcasm there).

In other news, my jeans are looser today. I'm happy about this but think it may be do to the hormone changes (coming off of Lupron) and not anything I'm doing. We haven't worked out since last year. Granted last year was only two weeks ago, but still. I don't think I'll be working out until next week given my sudden onset sickness. Once again, mother fucker. All the good intentions I have about health and fitness tend to get over shadowed by LIFE. Stupid annoying LIFE. If I can't keep up with it now, I don't know how I'll deal when there's a little one, but we'll work on that when and if it happens.

I also already started doing my taxes, which means two things: (1) I'm a nerd; and (2) mama needs a new pair of everything.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The best nurses in the world . . .

. . . have fur.

Easier (and better, way better) than a bread machine


It's snowing AGAIN. Normally, I wouldn't care, but here's the reason why this is not a normal snow: I HAVE TO SHOVEL IT. Brett is laid up with a lumbar strain, which sucks for him, and for me because he cannot do the normal things he does, which include shoveling. The kicker is that I already have a bad back thanks to a little something called spondylolisis (say that five times fast), which means that when I shovel it's so incredibly half-assed that it's barely worth doing. But if I don't shovel, then the dogs start peeing on the drive-way or side-walk or deck because they don't know the difference between a snow covered deck and a snow covered yard, but I do. Thus, I will half-assedly shovel some snow. . . later.

Now I will post a bread recipe that has a devout following in our house. I found it a book that Swistle recommended called The Tightwad Gazette. So here it is, and it's very easy and quite delicious and I will never buy store bread again . . .

5-6 cups all-purpose flour (you can substitute whole-wheat flour for 1 to 2 cups)
2 tablespoons dry yeast
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon salt
2 cups hot water
1 tablespoon sesame or poppy seeds

Mix 4 cups of the flour with the yeast, sugar and salt. Pour in hot water and beat 100 strokes, or 3 minutes with a mixer. Stir in the remaining flour until the dough is no longer sticky. Knead 8 minutes (I use the dough hook on my Kitchen Aid mixer and just let that roll around for about 8 minutes and it turns out fine). Place the dough in a greased bowl, and cover with a damp towel. Let rise 15 minutes (I have found that the rising time is more like an hour, but our house is incredibly dry, so the time may vary). Punch down (good fun). Divide into 2 pieces. Shape into 2 round loaves and place on a baking sheet. Cut an X 1/2 inch deep on top with a sharp knife. Brush with water and sprinkle with seeds. Place on the middle shelf of a cold oven. Place a cake pan of hot water on the lowest shelf. Heta the oven to 400 degrees. Bake 40-50 minutes until deep golden brown. YUM.

In other news, I'm going to the gyne tomorrow to discuss getting pregnant. Hopefully he'll reassure me that things will go alright and I should stop reading all the horrible things about Lupron that I find when I randomly google Lupron and pregnancy. God help me, I'm my own worst enemy.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Just an FYI . . . Brett maybe pulled a muscle or is experiencing some nasty sciatica or radiculopathy from all the luggage handling he did during our vacation, only to be followed by snow shoveling upon our return. At least that's what he hopes it is, and not some bizarre tropical disease he picked up on our sojourn. Unfortunately, he had to go to class today and in an effort to actually make it to class (he could barely stand up last night) he took a very powerful pain killer that was left over from some procedure or another and now he's sick from that. The boy just can't win. Also, how on earth do you get addicted to those nasty pain killers? I have taken a total of 2 in my entire life, and on both occasions I became ferociously ill.

Two Words

Slim Fast.

Strikes fear into your heart doesn't it? I know. Mine too. Except, it's not that bad really. Mostly becuase I'm not really on a diet, I'm just on a quest to not be so fucking hungry. I figure that if I down a Slim*Fast every now and again, maybe I won't snack so much when I'm at the office. The office has this funny way of making me eat when I shouldn't. I think it's something to do with mundane day to day duties that suck the life out of me and the thought of a Snickers bar is the only that gets me through the day. Anyway, we'll see how it goes.

Also, I quit drinking. Full stop. That should reduce my weekly caloric intake by about a million calories (not quite, but almost. I love my wine). It's okay though, because I'm hoping I'll be pregnant in a little bit and I'm hoping that I will feel better and maybe my boobs will start shrinking (until I get pregnant, at which point I assume they will blot out the sun with their enormity) and maybe I'll sleep better and maybe I'll stop spilling wine all over the neighbors six-year old child (true story). Here's hoping.

Oh, and our vacation was completely lovely. Pictures eventually, maybe from Brett? Although he is suffering from post-vacation cold/immobility due to searing pain in his buttocks, so maybe after that's over (seriously, the poor guy is in a lot of pain and please send him get well thoughts).

Over and out good buddies, for now.