Friday, January 04, 2008

baby it's cold outside

The high yesterday was somewhere in the zero range. This does not bother me, because I own a down coat, a hat with ear flaps, high quality mittens and a scarf. Apparently no one else in Chicago has thought of purchasing such items as it was the TOP STORY on the news. WTF? It’s January in the Midwest, obviously it’s going to get cold. I actually enjoy the bitter cold because I am a Scandinavian and we are only happy when we're miserable. It’s how we roll.

So I’m three days into operation-look-smoking-hot-in-wedding-dress and it’s actually going pretty well. (Amber, we are not getting married until August 2008, but we already live together and I occasionally slip and call him my husband, and I can totally see where you’d think we are already hitched.) Anyway, I’ve suddenly gotten really into my wedding, which is odd because I kind of wasn’t that into it even a week ago. I guess now that the plans are actually in motion and I can actually imagine this thing going down and I’m getting really really excited to be blissfully wedded to my man, I can get excited. But here’s my question . . . why are all wedding dresses strapless? Obviously there are other styles out there, but I’d venture to say that 70% of the dresses I’ve seen are strapless. This looks good on lots of women, but not me. I have boobs. Big boobs that need straps and maybe a crane.

Also, (you didn’t know I was going to turn into a bridezilla did you?) I want a short wedding dress. This is unheard of I guess. Oh well, I could have worse problems, like the fact that I’m currently waiting for my urologist to call me back because the GD bladder pain is back with
a vengeance. I swear I’m going crazy. They’ve done a bazillion (okay, two) tests and there is no objective explanation for my pain. If it were 1882 they’d diagnose me with hysteria and call it a day. I hope they don’t do that now.

I secretly think I’m allergic to Illinois, but that’s hard to test for.


Jess said...

I had a moment like that too, back in October, where suddenly I, like, cared about our wedding and was excited to plan it.

Short dresses are NOT unheard of and even David's Bridal has some. Probably strapless, though. I'm thinking of getting something not strapless myself, and damn are they hard to find. It's all the rage at the moment.

I read somewhere that to cure hysteria among women back in the day, doctors used to, um, manually stimulate them until they had an orgasm. Except that back then they didn't know that women were capable of orgasming. There's a lot to be said for living in the 21st century, huh?

Tessie said...

Hysteria. Heh. That or WITCHCRAFT.

I like those off-the-shoulder numbers for wedding dresses. Are those hard to find? I wouldn't know since I went with the strapless and STILL had to have fake boob padding sewn in to hold it up.

Jess said...

Okay, maybe the double comment makes me a bridezilla but have you checked out You can search there by hemline, and the options include "short/mini," "knee length," and "tea length." This link is the result of my "knee length" search and you can change it down at the bottom of the lefthand sidebar.

I hope that helps!

Pickles & Dimes said...

Do you like cap sleeves? I like how they're dainty enough that you don't feel totally covered with full sleeves, but they still give a little bit of support.

I can't help with the boob advice, because I'm with Tessie: I had a strapless dress and needed the fake boob padding sewn in as well. Sad.

claire said...

I have a post about the strapless dress thing, too, from when i was trying on bridesmaid dresses. what the hell? i don't think strapless is flattering on EVERYONE. Give us some options, yo.

Artemisia said...

As I've said before, the only plus to me gaining some weight is that I finally - barely - fill an A cup. No boob/dress advice here.

That is terrible that you don't feel well again.

Hysteria, witchcraft... Hell, you'd think folks would be clamoring to elect Hillary; then they'd have a woman to blame to for all the problems in the country! It is an asshat's wet dream!

amber said...

Hi, it's me again, blathering uselessly. My sister's dress was strapless, and she has big boobs too and she looked amazing. Me and my small boobs, though - we're with you. I think dresses with straps are better.

Oh, and my vile wretched sister-in-law wore a short (slightly above knee-length wedding dress) and I'm sorry to say it was gorgeous. I think hers was made by a family member though, not that I'm being helpful at all, so I'll just shut up now.

PS - I'm excited to hear all about the wedding things unfold.

Anonymous said...

I think all the strapless gowns are backlash against all those gowns with big puffy shoulders and arms that went all the way down over the hands.

Black Sheeped said...

I wanted a shorter dress, too, but didn't care if it was wedding-y. So I got the goldish tea-length one from a homecoming section in a department store, if I remember correctly.

I'm so classy!

Jen M. said...

Yo - fellow Swede over here and we have three feet of snow in my 'hood.

Crazily enough, we all have winter wear, too ;)

My vote is for cap sleeves...