Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I’m having one of those twitchy days when I’m all worked up about something and everything but all of these things are nothings in reality. I’m just sort of freaked out and over caffeinated about all sorts of stupid shit and it’s really fucking annoying. I’m such a peculiar sort of crazy that it really requires an advanced primer to be sent to all of you just so you have a basic understanding of the underlying elements of my psychosis. It’s just too hard to try to cover in a more succinct format.

One thing stands out is that I cannot for the life of my watch an episode of Oprah without breaking down in tears. Last night we got home from our first dog obedience class (dear God, why is every dog trainer I’ve ever met a lunatic?) and I thought I’d iron some clothes while watching television. So I switched on my DVR’d episode of Oprah, the one about obese teens, and cue the blubbering. It broke my heart and it made me want to have my own session of “I’m angry because . . .” as I too am angry about so many things and would like to voice those things instead of eating brownies and anxiously fretting over rudimentary crap (see above). Oh help me, I love Oprah and I also love my husband because I’m pretty sure he’d listen if I did want to engage in one of those sessions. If only we could schedule it in.

Yes, that’s the worst part of my generalized anxiety. There just isn’t enough time to do all the things that need to get done. Everyone is in this boat, I know, I just feel like I am ill-equipped to deal with all the chaos and stress surrounding our house right now. I fully believe that the state of your house reflects the state of your brain and if you saw our house right now you’d appreciate the gravity of my concerns. Shit is a mess. This is primarily due to the ongoing bathroom remodel, which has been seriously waylaid by Brett’s back injury, but also because we have a tiny house and a lot of crap and it’s winter and thus we are SHUT IN the tiny house of disorganization. It’s making us crazy.

I cannot wait for spring. I’ve never felt so desperate for warm weather in my life.

6 comments:

LoriD said...

The cold is making everyone around here crazy, present company included. My kids are driving me nuts; my house is driving me nuts. I watched PS I Love You last night and blubbered into my pillow for a good 15 minutes. I can hardly even remember what it feels like to be warm. Hang in there.

Fiona Picklebottom said...

I'm right there with you. I did finally get your book in the mail, though, so at least in a few days you'll have something to read.

artemisia said...

Oh, I am sorry you are feeling so anxious. I had a meltdown on Sunday to the tune of: "Why the hell must their always be laundry to do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" It sort of felt like the end of the world there for a bit.

Hang in there!

Jess said...

The cold is actually not driving me crazy. I suppose that's for the best as it will likely be colder in Denver. I hope you feel better soon.

Alice said...

i know what you mean about the house / state of mind. if i'm laid back, my house doesn't matter, but omg if i'm stressed / anxious / anything, and my house is cluttery and dirty? CANNOT. DEAL. OMG.

Noelle said...

I'd comment, but I'm covered in snow and I can't think any longer.