Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Survey Says: ELOPE

I’m so stupidly stressed out today. I mean, I guess it’s not really stupid because there are large, enormous, requiring CAPITAL LETTERS things going on in my life, but you know, they’re supposed to be happy things that shouldn’t really stress one out.

First of all, the house. All is well except for the fact that the survey came back and apparently one side of our house is located 1.5 inches from the property line. Well, what am I supposed to do about that? Tear the house down? I know it’s not in violation of the unified planning bullshit that the city has enacted because older homes were grandfathered in, but who the hell are we supposed to do with 1.5 inches. I mean, we need an easement just to walk to our backyard on that side of the house. So not cool and so not sure what we’re going to do about this except I am going to lose sleep for the next two nights. That much is certain.

Second of all, I am having not one but two wedding showers this weekend, which should be cause for smiles and not shallow breaths and hand wringing. But you see, my family brings me nothing but shallow breathing and hand wringing because they make me crazy. My poor sister, who was planning the showers (need two because my dad’s side of the family is not allowed to have anything to do with my mother, so sayeth the ruler of the world a.k.a. my father a.k.a. asshole extraordinaire) and who had to stop planning the showers because her hubby got very sick with the cancer. So, my sister’s mother-in-law stepped up and is throwing one shower for me (she’s wonderful) and then my step-mother is supposedly throwing the other shower for my dad’s side of the family. Super, problem solved right? WRONG. My step-mother is feeling slighted because she is throwing a kitchen themed shower for me, but just found out that the other shower is also kitchen themed and now her shower will be duplicitous. Um, what? Who cares about the shower theme and also, it ain’t my fault that you, dear step-mother, failed to communicate with my sister regarding planning. In fact, my sister told my dad exactly what she was planning and he failed to communicate this with my step-mother who is incapable of communicating directly with us and has to use my dad as an intermediary. Healthy. This wouldn’t be an issue if she and my father would grow up and allow family mingling.

I called them and left a message last night saying that it wasn’t a big deal and it wouldn’t be duplicitous and also, I am not the one they need to yell at. Shockingly, no one called me back.

Do I sound spoiled? Probably. The thing is I didn’t even want a shower for this very reason. I don’t care about the gifts, I just want to get married and serve people cake.

Once again, should have eloped!


Alice said...

i totally don't think you sound spoiled. no one who has to deal with that much family crap is spoiled :-)

sorry about all the drama, but i hope once the time comes, the actual showers are nice..!

Tessie said...

"I just want to get married and serve people cake!"

Oh, you are so funny and awesome.

I am sorry about the fam. My dad used to be the ruler of the world too, but he is getting better with that.

Pickles & Dimes said...

I'm sorry. I hope everything works out and everyone behaves themselves.

The one thing I didn't like about planning my wedding was how many others expressed "hurt feelings" that THEIR thoughts weren't considered. Sorry, didn't realize it was THEIR day. Hrmph.

artemisia said...

Ugh. Wedding stuff just does not sound fun. Too many other people stupidly insisting their feelings are hurt about decisions you've made about your day. Ridiculous. Hang in there.

If people don't behave, tell them to shove it. Really.

And the house! Certainly there have been other instances of this in the area, yes? Maybe you can talk to some of your new neighbors to see how they handled it?

Jess said...

A) You don't sound spoiled. B) That sucks about the property line, but in terms of unexpected problems with your house, I suppose that's better than finding out that your house has, say, huge structural issues that make it unsafe to live in. C) I don't know if anyone is throwing me a shower at all, and I'm starting to think that perhaps it would be better if they didn't.

claire said...

I am following Jess' bulleted comment format:
A) If your neighbors don't know about the 1.5 inch issue, i wouldn't worry about it. In fact, plant a flower bed and put in a walkway. Embrace the stupidity that is zoning and city planning.
B) Showers are stupid and are never really for the bride. They are for the bride's family and should be outlawed. Practice your fake-ass smile in the mirror because it is not going to leave your face for the entire weekend. It's going to hurt that you're smiling so much. Because you're SO! HAPPY! that everyone bought you all the crap that you registered for in the first place. But be SURPRISED! that you got every single thing that was marked "purchased" from your registry. Because that's what the people want. Smiling.
C) No you don't sound spoiled, you sound fed up. As well you should be.

Eloping always sounds like a good idea to me. I can't believe that people don't do it more often.

Noelle said...

Cake is so much better than marriage.

Maybe you can have a "house moving" wedding where everyone invited pushes at your house until it's moved 1.5 inches.

I wouldn't live in the house after that, though. You probably want to fix the problem with paperwork.

JMC said...

Are you having two separate weddings? Or is your dad's side going to get over themselves for the day? Do I sound bitchy? Yes I do. Oh well.

1.5 inches?! Wow. What if you hate your neighbors and they hate you and you need to make a repair to the siding or something? They could have you arrested for trespassing. Unless you climb up on your roof and rappel down the side of your house to make the repair while hanging from a rope, therefore never touching the ground on their side of the property line. But what if they build one of those privacy fences on the property line? And then you need to paint your house? You can't even fit an extended roller down between the wall and the fence in only 1.5 inches. On the other hand, if you guys like each other and they don't build a fence, maybe they'll mow that inch and a half for you during the summer.

Swistle said...

The 1.5 inches situation = crazy.

Maybe the other shower could change? I mean, that would be SUPER ANNOYING, but it might be worth it to keep the peace. Or just have them both be kitchen showers, as you say.

It's not too late to elope.

Banana said...

Ugh. I'm sorry it's such a pain - I didn't have a thrilling shower experience either. And 1.5 inches? Crazy!

I don't know if this is helpful, but it will all be over soon! Then you'll be married and settled into your house. Soon!

JMC said...

Okay, I just reread my comment because I was looking at the others, and mine reads as if I am saying YOU are being bitchy. Because YOU said, "Do I sound spoiled? and *I* said (in what reads in MY head as a sarcastic tone), "Do I sound bitchy?"

To clarify, YOU are not being bitchy AT ALL. OR spoiled for that matter. *I*, on the other hand was sounding bitchy, implying that people should "get over themselves." Which I still think, because they are making things stressful for YOU. And you, by the way, are SO *NOT* BITCHY.

Penny said...

As for the inspection thing, I have learned in retrospect that all an inspection is for is to destroy the seller's confidence in their asking price, which makes headway for asking for more money off the house. So don't buy into it, just hold tight. If the buyers have gotten this far, chances are they're practically married to your house already.

As far as the whole shower(s) scandal goes, I believe that is is nearly impossible to not look like a boob during the wedding planning bit, even if you really AREN'T a boob and all your relatives ARE. Them's the brakes. I think you handled the situation with grace, anyway.

Katrin said...

Do we by chance have the same father? Should I ever get married, I would really want to elope, but Martin's mom is not having it. Go figure.

We don't have bridal showers here, we just have hen parties. And Noelle's idea is fantastic!

Mmmm... cake.

amber said...

I was going to try and be all mushy and supportive, but the truth is...if I ever get married, elopement is the ONLY way I'll do it. So while I'm sure you'll love your cake and flowers and fairytale're a braver woman than I.