Thursday, May 22, 2008

Careful, this one is a run-on sentence mine field

I watch the Idol finally the other night, and wound up fast forwarding through a lot of it because I feared if I didn’t Brett would die. It’s true, there are several shows that I prefer watching when he is not around because he finds them dumb/painful/be-stupiding and I find them utterly addictive (i.e. Idol, The Hills). I enjoy crap T.V. in the same way I enjoy movie theater popcorn – I crave it and then feel sick afterwards. C’est la vie.

Anyhoo, I had taped Idol on the ol’ DVR because Brett and I went to play tennis at about 6:30pm and wouldn’t be back in time for the start. When Idol was over and I switched back to live T.V. we noted that one of the Left Behind series books was made into a movie staring none other than Kirk Cameron. There are several things to digest here, and first and foremost I must admit that I am not a believer in this theory of the end of the world and if I were to describe my religious beliefs they’d hover somewhere around a shrug of the shoulders because I have no idea. I suppose that makes me agnostic and fully a caricature of a Garrison Keillor narrative, but that fits.

So we flipped over to this movie because Brett was raised in a religion that does believe in these things and I am completely fascinated by such beliefs because they are so very dramatic and scary and since when did Kirk Camron stop being Mikey Sever and become a crazy religious guy? We watched about 5 minutes of it and then flipped to the Cubs game, because even though I am fascinated by it, I am also easily turned off by it and also it had the quality of a Lifetime move and that’s just not something any one has more than 5 mintues of patience for (unless it’s staring Meredith Baxter because she’s Alex P. Keaton’s mom and that’s alright with me).

Now, let’s jump back to the fact that Brett and I have taken up tennis, which I casually mentioned above. There are tennis courts at our current apartment complex, and we figured we should take advantage of them while we still pay rent. Of course we had this thought back in August and just last week decided to act on it, but whatever. Tennis rocks and I forgot how very much fun it is.

I played tennis in high school, and while I was technically on the varsity team, it was only because I was stupidly hard working. I had no actual athletic talent, but I put in a whole lot of heart and also I thought that tennis skirts made me look cute. The coach took pity on me and let me on to varsity and I sat on the side lines eating chex mix during most matches. I did look cute though.

I did manage to learn a thing or two and also, sometimes my muscle memory goes into effect and I actually hit the ball with some skill. Most of the time I lob it around like a drunken giraffe, but it’s all good because it’s a work out and I need those.

Brett, on the other hand, has never played tennis and therefore we’re able to play against one another without me getting my ass handed to me (at least for a few more days, until he figures it out and starts whooping me).

But I forgot how complicated the rules of tennis are. I mean you’ve got games, and then sets and then matches. You count in a bizarre way (i.e. love, 15, 30, 40) and then you have to win by at least 2 games and sometimes the line counts and sometimes hitting the net is a fault and sometimes you trip and fall and skin your knee such that skirts and short pants will not be unearthed from the closet for the foreseeable future. Also, I hope my mom still has my tennis skirts from HS because I’m pretty sure Brett would think I looked cute in them. Then again that was (gulp) 12 years ago.


Banana said...

TM won't even be in the same room as the hills. Since we really only have four rooms in our house, this rule greatly affects my Hills intake. Which is sad, because while it may be the dumbest show on TV, I love it.

Jess said...

We would ALL think you look cute in your tennis skirts. Why are there no photos???

CAQuincy said...

Kirk Cameron has his own Jesus show on one of the Jesus channels.

Weird things, man.

JMC said...

I played tennis in high school, too, which was (double gulp) 19 years ago.

There is a daunting word verification below. Why must all the ones I get be 8 characters? I KNOW they have 5 character ones; I've seen them.

claire said...

This whole damn post cracked me up. You are too funny. Good luck with the tennis. I never played on the actual team, because lets face it, i totally sucked. But it's fun! so fun. :)

Ok, Where Was I? said...

I was so thinking "The Hills" when I read "when he is not around," and then you said it! I love The Hills. Why do they make us wait so long between seasons? The Speidi train wreck is awesome.

Alice said...

i SUUUCK at tennis. i played squash in highschool, where you aim basically as close to the ground as you can get, so i have immense trouble figuring out how to hit a ball high enough to go over the net while not simultaneously going waaaay faaar outside the boundaries of the court. i'm... kind of dumb.

Katrin said...

I took tennis lessons with a private coach. He told to get off the court and take ballet.

artemisia said...

Shrug of the shoulders and Garrison Keillor? Gloriousness, my dear.

A. and I have a tennis date this Thursday! It is fun, I am oookayyy at it, but A. totally kicks my ass.