Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Let's talk about food. We all know that I am a big fan of food. I am not a picky eater, and odds are I'll try anything. In fact, I asked Brett last night whether he would eat the still beating heart of a cobra (something I witnessed Anthony Bourdain do on No Reservations). Brett said that, "yes, I could eat the still beating heart of a cobra." I was not so certain, but nevertheless, were I in a place where that was customary, and were I to offend someone if I refused to eat said still beating heart of a cobra, I probably would find a way to do it.

Now, various diets have been proposed to me over the course of the last few months, in order to help me get healthy. This is mostly realted to my poor little bladder, but also to the fact that I am, and always have been, chronically constipated. I won't go into details about how completely miserable chronic constipation can be, but really, you'd be surprised how important a good poop is to one's general health.

So obviously a high fiber diet is imperative to my health. This necessitates lots of vegetable, fruits and whole grains. Luckily, this is the diet one is also supposed to follow for weight loss. Seems like a win win situation, no?

Not for me.

I also am supposed to avoid the following foods, due to my bladder situation:

All alcoholic beverages (sigh)
apple juice
carbonated drinks
chilies/spicy food (sigh)
coffee (triple sigh)
citrus fruits/juices
lemon juice
vitamin B complex (WTF?)
chocolate (sigh)

Well, there are still alot of food left over that I can enjoy. So it would seem that I just cut all the above out, and eat things like pears, blueberries, leafy greens, beans, whole grains, etc. EXCEPT, my doctor also suggested I try a low oxalate diet. Unfortunately, the low oxalate diet means I can't eat such things such as pears, blueberries, leafy greens, beand and whole grains. This leaves me with a diet of water and rice. Now is the time on Flibberty's blog when we cry.


The Dutchess of Kickball said...

First and foremost, you wouldn't catch me eating a cobra heart, beating or not. Um, no thanks. I love love love food, but only foods I can get myself to eat. That is no one of them.

Second, I thought cranberries were supposed to be very good for your bladder?

Jess said...

OH NO. This is UNFAIR. Did you tell your doctor that while a low oxalate diet is a nice SUGGESTION, it just won't be possible under the present circumstances? Because, GEEZ.

JMC said...

Hmmm... let's look at the bright side. There are a lot of things one can do with water and ice. For instance, one can FREEZE water and one can MELT ice. Um, but then you still have water and ice... OK, how about this: You can BOIL water. Oh, wait, then you have nothing at all. Wait a minute, I just looked again and you said RICE, not ice. If that's all you're allowed, I suggest you try out for the next "Survivor."

I feel for you. Hope something gets figured out for you. You should check with your doctor about the cobra heart. You know, see if it's allowed. 'Cause then at least there's one more thing other than the water and rice. For instance, Brett could whip up some fricasseed (how the heck is that spelled?) cobra heart over steamed rice with a nice chilled Evian to drink.

Tessie said...

My God, man! ARGG! What about an ALL MEAT DIET? That seems to be the only thing left. Still kind of screws you on the fiber though.

While we're on the subject of fiber, I've always wondered if those fiber supplements work. I'm assuming you've tried those? So, do they work, or what?

Flibberty said...

Dutchess: cranberries are good at irritating the lining of your bladder such that any bacteria will not stick. For someone with a chronically irritated bladder, cranberries are actually the worst possible thing to have.

Tessie: Fiber supplements work very well. Almost too well, if you know what I mean. Thus, I have prescription fiber! Did you know there was such a thing? There is.

amber said...

Know that after reading your restrictions, I am crying with you.

claire said...

Holy crap.

what the hell are you supposed to eat all day? looks like um... honeydew is ok. and uh.. cheese!
yay cheese. go have some pizza, no sauce. 5 points on WW. Boo-ya. There's your new Pizza-diet. Ta-da!!

No? Probably won't help with the weight loss, or constipation, no. But it'll be yummy.

Pickles & Dimes said...

No, no, no, no, no. NO.

Did they give you a list of things you CAN eat? Because the list of things you can't makes me weep.

Banana said...

That sucks! No coffee? No alcohol? No tomatoes? what is left in the world?

Also, prescription fiber sounds pretty serious! Hee.

Black Sheeped said...

This, um. Doesn't make sense to me. It's like you're not supposed to eat anything healthy (not even blueberries and greens? COME ON). Looking at the oxalate list, though, I'd go heavy on the lentils, squash, peas, and sprouts. Because those have fiber. And, um, look! Avocado!

I'm so sorry. This sucks.

nancypearlwannabe said...

I feel like spicy foods would help with the number 2ing... apparently I know nothing of digestive tracks.

Penny said...

That seems like a hellish diet. I don't think I could do one without coffee.

Sorry about the ongoing bladder whatevs.

Valerie said...

Ohhhh, I am so sorry :( That sounds like very little fun.