Monday, February 11, 2008

Sick Leave

Last Wednesday I had surgery to look for some cause to my undiagnosable pelvic pain. I had a laparoscopy, a D&C and a LEEP to get rid of some cervical dysplasia. This was an outpatient procedure, so it was a relatively easy as surgery goes. Nevertheless, I was all sorts of nervous as I waited for various docs and nurses to come chat with us and make me give my medical history about 30 times.

I think the worst part about the surgery was the IV. A couple of years ago I went for a routine blood test and the useless phlebotomist could not get my vein and I wound up passting out. Ever since then, I've been incredibly apprehensive about any needles heading for any of my veins. In fact, I think that all of my veins shirk away in fear of approaching needles. Unfortunately, the nurse who put my IV in placed on the inside of my right wrist, meaning that everytime I moved or shook hands with the 20th health care provider, I had to move my IV and cause myself annoying pain. Totally unnecessary.

However, once I was ready to go to the operating room, the nurse anesthetist (why didn't I become one of these? She was awesome!) gave me a dose of something wonderful to make me "relax." Oh I was relaxed alright. I suddenly morphed into some sort of sleezy car salesperson becuase I was giving everyone the head nod and "what's up" as I was wheeled past them on the way to the OR. Jesus, I am a dork.

I have no recollection of anything beyond being moved to the operating table and the nurses putting warm blankets on me becuase the OR might be outside in the 20 below weather, I'm not sure. Next thing I knew, I was groggily waking up and wondering what in the hell was going on, becuase honestly, I totally forgot I was undergoing surgery. It was kind of awesome.

They had to intubate me, so my throat was really sore and I was super thirsty, but my kind doctor gave me fentanyl and a popsicle and life was good again. Brett got to come back with me when I got to "phase 2" of recovery, and was so happy to see his face. The doc went to talk to him while I was in "phase 1" and told him that they had found 2 cysts and endometriosis and they even gave him full color pictures of all of the above. Frightening, but sort of cool. Brett was a trooper and did not puke or run in fear. He's solid, he really is.

The nurses gave me soda and an assortment of cracker and cookies. I was pretty nauseated, so I could barely even drink my soda. I just sat there, with my head hanging down, probably drooling. I asked the nurse if I could try going to the bathroom, and when I stood up something popped in one of my sutures and I started bleeding through my gown. That made me almost pass out, but they laid me back down on the gurney and fixed whatever was wrong. While fixing me up, the nurse told me that when I first woke up I exclaimed, "that shit is awesome!" Oh dear god! I refuse to believe I said that, but I might issue an official apology to all involved for my loathsome dorkiness.

They provided me with mesh underpants, which were basically boy cut and really wouldn't be out of place if they were sold at Victoria's Secret. Seriously, so bizarre. They also gave me massaging socks, which where in and of themselves totally worth the surgery.

After I stabilized, I got to go home, and Brett called all of our families and made me mac and cheese and jello and was the best care giver a girl could ask for. He cleaned and rebandaged my sutures and helped me to the bathroom and went out and got more jello and made tatertot hot dish and let me watch crap like Wife Swap and Millionare Matchmaker. He's wonderful.

12 comments:

Jess said...

Oh I am glad you're back and that your surgery went well. I have been wondering where you were. I am also glad that Brett is such a great caretaker.

So wait, did they fix those problems? Were those the source of the pelvic pain? Will you stop being in pain now? I hope so.

Pickles & Dimes said...

Tell Brett he did a great job taking care of you!

So now that they've removed the cysts, will that help with the pain? Or will the endometriosis still cause you pain? Or now that they know you have endometriosis, can you get really good pain meds for it?

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

Aw he sounds like the best. And I'm assuming you didn't need to go through surgery to figure that out.

Is everything fixed now? I'll keep my fingers crossed.

claire said...

Wow, it sounds like you have a really positive experience with the surgery. I mean, like you said, "that shit is awesome". The nurses probably haven't ever gotten that kind of praise from a patient.

I'm wondering if this means everything is fixed now, too... Let's hope so.

Artemisia said...

Popped suture?!?!

THAT IS MY ALL-TIME, BIGGEST FEAR, EVER.

*passing out*

*regaining consciousness*

*remembering why I passed out*

*barfing*

Okay, I am back. Holy shit, you are a TROOPER! You write about this like it is no big deal! With humor! I just IMAGINED a popped suture after having a MOLE REMOVED and called my best friend while utterly SOBBING. He thought my father had just DIED because that is how hard I was crying. Just from IMAGINING this shit.

YOU ARE MY HERO.

So - now. Do the doctors think that they most likely found the source of the pain (and have removed it?)? How are you feeling now?

Brett is a freakin' DREAMBOAT. Seriously, you have a good man there. Yep, you do.

Stephanie said...

So glad you're home and that everything went well. I had an almost identical procedure and all I remember is falling into a nice, cozy sleep then waking up thinking how hungry I was. And telling all of the nurses so.

Hopefully, this will have fixed all of your pains and issues down there!

Tessie said...

Yeah, I'm with everyone else here...so WHAT IS THE DEAL? Was a deal discovered?

The IV. ACK! I had a natural effing childbirth, and the IV was the scariest part. True double true.

JMC said...

Yeah, so, is it fixed? Will you now be pain-free? Hope so.

And what's with Blogger and the 583-letter word verifications? That aren't words at all. They used to only be 5 letters.

CAQuincy said...

Here's hoping that that-was-that and you'll be well and pain-free from here on out.

Penny said...

So glad the surgery went well. I loved those mesh undies by the way. Heaven for those of us enduring sutures.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Oh, boo to having an IV. That's the worst- I've only had one once, to get my wisdom teeth out, and I didn't realize it actually HURT.

Hope you're feeling better!

Black Sheeped said...

MAN. Brett is awesome, and so are you. What a mess. I'm glad you know, for sure, about the endometriosis, and the cysts. Hopefully now appropriate steps can be taken, yes?