Friday, January 25, 2008

more talk of girl parts (should really rename my blog)

In general, I think I have a pretty high pain threshold. Most of the time, if I know some sort of pain is coming, I can deal with it. Then I met the cervical biopsy. Hello torture! Dear God, last night was 10 minutes of terrible. I think part of the problem was that Brett was able to view the entire procedure. They kind of trapped him a spot that allowed him to look at nothing but my be-speculumed (spell checker doesn’t like that one) vagina and the fact that they were tearing parts of my cervix out and putting them in little containers. At first he looked fine, but as soon as they “pinched” (that’s what the doc said I’d feel, ha!) the first bit of cervix off, all the color in Brett’s face drained out and I could tell he was horrified. This then horrified me too and I felt like I was going to be sick. Also, I just hate anything dealing with instruments and “pinching” of my internal organs, it freaks me the hell out. (You’re probably all wondering how the hell I’m going to deal with child birth, and frankly, I have no idea, except that I’ll get a baby out of the deal instead of some rating on the cancer potential of my cervix) It’s also just a creepy feeling because I don’t have many nerve endings in my cervix, but I can feel this distant, disturbing pain, and once again FREAKING OUT.

Of course the doctor would never know that I’m freaking out because I was raised to grin and bear it, and maybe there was a discussion about the fucking stimulus package going on whilst my doctor probed down below. Not the time for political discussion, but whatever.

Anyway, I like this doctor, who wants to do the laparoscopy and D&C, and he listened to me express my concerns and listened to me regarding the alternative treatments the other doctor suggested. However, I still don’t know if I should have the surgery. I mean I’d love to rule out any gynecological problems so I could just know that it was my urinary tract, but also, its surgery and that comes with inherent risks and I haven’t had many of the common symptoms of endometriosis (i.e. pain related to cycle, spotting, heavy bleeding, etc.), but my inherent NEED to make sure every base is covered, and every potential problem addressed is making me WANT to have the surgery. The doc thought that it would be a good idea if we weren’t’ planning to have kids for a few years, because if we were planning to get pregos within a year, well conceiving a child would kind of let us know if all things were in working order. BUT if we wait 4 or 5 years (which we probably will) then I may not know and things could get worse, etc. Oh shit, what to do?

Are you all bored yet?


Tessie said...

Oh no. This is stressy! Four or five years?

I'm so sorry for all this terribleness. I'm thinking childbirth is going to be NO BIG WHOOP after what you've been through.

Jess said...

Ow! This sounds PAINFUL. I feel like childbirth, while also painful, will be different and possibly easier? This coming from someone who has not experienced either type of pain.

What a mess, having to make these decisions now. Obviously the answer is to pop out a kid, stat. But that creates a whole new set of problems, huh?

JMC said...

Can we vote on what you should do? If so, I pick the kid sooner rather than later. Childbirth is actually not horrifyingly painful IF, and it's a big IF, you get an epidural. Anyway, why don't you put it to a vote? Let perfect strangers decide your medical fate. Sounds reasonable, don't you think? ;)

Flibberty said...

I would love to have a baby in the coming year, it's just that our lives are not exactly ready for a baby. Thus, we have to wait until we get a little bit more settled to have a baby. Trust me, I don't fear child birth, that is not the reason I can't have a baby soon. The clock is ticking, I assure you.

Orelinde_03 said...

Hi! I have a similar situation going on. Mine may not be as serious as yours, but I TOTALLY empathize with you! The first time I had a colposcopy was 10 years ago, and my gyno back then was a sado-maschocist! I had never had any kinds of procedures done prior to the first colposcopy and I was stressed beyond belief. They had promised me tranqulizers, and then renegged. I was shaking so badly on the table that the doctor told me if I didn't calm down, and stop crying and shaking (both from the fear and prodding) she could hurt me more. At theat point I requested my aunt to come in to the room, regardless of my girl parts being exposed. The doctor was shocked I wanted someone in there with me. I was so shaking, that my aunt had to LAY ACROSS MY TORSO to hold me still. Thankfully I did not need any follow up procedures.

Fast forward ten years, and last month I went for my pap. Lo and behold I get a call that they found the precancerous cells and want me to go for a colposcopy. OF COURSE I HAD SWITCHED GYNOS. but this still did not do anything to keep fear and panic from flooding back. Not only did they give me a tranqulizer for my nerves, but both the assistant, and doctor made me feel at ease with the UNCOMFORTABLE test, listened to my concerns, questions, and educated me. I also found this article on line,a nd maybe it can help you out some. I wish you all the best, and please know you have someone going through this too.

Artemisia said...

Oh, Flib! I really wish I could take you on a vacation, far away from your girly parts for a couple of days.

My best friend was just told that if she was going to have kids, she needed to do so in the next three years. We are 31, for Pete's sake!

How the hell are people supposed to respond to this kind of pressure and strange third person involved in the decision to start a family?

CAQuincy said...

Oi! I won't touch that when-should-we-have-kids thing for the world!

I would HATE to have surgery, but I think that if there were a possibly I may have problems having children five years on down the road....I might want to know now???

Um.....gosh, I don't know!

Banana said...

Oh man, I had to have one of those too. I told the doctor how freaked out I was and she numbed my cervix. It was fantastic, I hardly felt anything.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Having to decide if you want kids right now-this-minute seems completely unfair. I'm sending you good thoughts.

amber said...

Ugh, I'm keeping fingers crossed for the best possible outcome for you. You're brave!

Stephanie said...

I have also had a cervical biopsy and OW OW OW OW OW. I cannot imagine if Mark was there. He definitely would've vomited.

Black Sheeped said...

I think it is SO AWESOME that he went with you. What a good, good, good man.

Also: I'm so sorry. That sounds dreadful. I really hope this gets worked out.

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. I had a cervical biopsy and no one will ever know pain like that was the general feeling I had