and what did this test tell me? absolutely nothing.

Since I know you've all been on pins and needles, waiting to hear the next installment in a continuing series entitled "The Days of Flibberty's Bladder," I shall provide excruciating detail about an excruciating procedure I underwent Friday last. Wait, you haven't been waiting? Oh well, I'm still gonna write about it.

Have any of you ever had a catheter, ever? I do believe it's pretty much de rigueur when you have a baby, no? If you have, then you know how incredibly weird and uncomfortable said catheter can be. If you don't know, I shall tell you that it feels incredibly weird and uncomfortable, and sort of like someone is slowly placing a small tube up a very small whole and poking at your bladder with it's needle like end, because that is exactly what they are doing. To add insult to injury, I got another catheter, with a condom over it (seriously, I think it was a Trojan) up my back end. To further humiliate me, I was seated in a chair that contained its very own toilet that was hooked up to a computer, and it had stir-ups such that my knees were up toward my ears. I'm sure I looked hot.

They attached electrodes to the back end catheter, and also grounding wires to my butt cheeks. I did not know that butt cheeks could serve as a place to ground electrical current, but helpful knowledge next time my car battery dies.

They also instructed me to pee into the chair toilet, while a doctor and two nurses monitored the computer for my flow rate. Sometimes I have trouble peeing in my own stall if there is someone in the stall next to me, so you can imagine how difficult it was to pee when there were actual people in the room with me, eagerly anticipating my flow. They kept looking over at me, like, "why aren't you peeing?" and that's when I started sweating like a deranged monkey.

After I finally "voided" they started refilling up my bladder with saline solution, and instructed me to tell them when (1) I felt like I could go to the bathroom; (2) I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom; and (3) I felt like I would explode into a thousand tiny pieces if I didn't go right NOW.

The liquid started flowing into my bladder and it was a very strange sensation because the saline was very cold. It actually felt kind of nice for a second, until I reached stage 3 when my eyes started to bug out and I actually grabbed the nurse and informed her that critical capacity had certainly been reached. But no, no, they wanted to push me as far as I could go. And that's when I exploded. The end.